You Tell Me

 YOU TELL ME

Our governor is on the right track here, she has decided that neither you nor I are able to determine our own sex.  Unfortunately she has identified only two - - male and female.  Apparently some unidentified person who is in charge of filling out birth certificates at the place of birth will be the one who makes the decision as to your sex.

Sex here is referring to the biological distinction between someone with a vagina and someone with a penis.  These are to be the determining factors in the determination of a person's sex.  Now as one grows older and begins to have some doubts about the apparatus they were born with, it won't really matter because you will be stuck with the word on your birth certificate "male" or "female".  You will never find a birth certificate with the word "uncertain"; simply won't happen.

And as I mentioned above, the government should have the right to tell you what sex you are.  After all, it's the government and the government is in charge; if it so desires it can tell you who you are and what you are.  We have a long history of this.  It really doesn't matter what you think about yourself; you're not the one to decide your own identity; thankfully you will be able to avoid all identity crises - - no longer necessary.  

I do think, however, that the governor may be making a tactical mistake in limiting the choice to two - - male or female.  In our current thinking on the subject, there are such things as gender identity, gender fluidity, etc.  Some people, either by choice or by actual bodily features would prefer to identify as something other than just male or female.  This, it would seem, to be a proper area of discussion when debating this proposed statute.  Maybe they could sneak in a third category somewhere without alienating too many constituents.   

So, simply a word of caution, let's give this some thought to make sure that what we need to be  included in this proposed bill actually gets in there.   By the way, the proposal is entitled House File 2389 and apparently introduced by the Education Committee of the House (what education has to do with it, I can't imagine) and I recommend you all take a look at it.  It will give you a proper perspective on who and what you are even if it is not adopted and signed into law.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Three Cheers

 THREE CHEERS

I'm giving three cheers to our four representatives in Congress:  Randy Feenstra (my favorite), Ashly Hinson, M. Miller-Meeks, and Zachary Nunn.  In their work for us, the citizens of Iowa, they have voted for the impeachment of Secretary of Homeland Security, Alejandro Mayorkas.  However, it is somewhat unclear the reason and as usual, I would like some clarification.

Is it because his name is not Smith or Johnson, but some foreign sounding name like Mayorkas?  Is it because he lives in the wrong neighborhood in DC?  Is it because he hasn't issued any orders to gun down refugees crossing the Rio Grande?  It is unclear.  In regard to the latter, you simply can't have bodies floating down the river bloating and causing trauma in young people.  So just exactly what is it that causes our representatives to give their attention to something that has no effect of any kind on our lives here in Iowa?

They must be in contact with our governor who has decided that our national guard and law enforcement are not sufficiently busy so is sending some of our extras to the border with Mexico to do what, I'm not sure, is the answer to under employment and idle time.  Why be idle in Iowa in February when you can be in Texas on the border with all the snow birds?  Somebody must have got to the governor and convinced her to give them a free winter vacation at our expense.

What we have here are our elected representatives doing nothing in the guise of doing something that will garner them votes from those who somehow believe they are doing something when they are in fact doing nothing.  It is actually interesting to see.  And apparently it works - - at least one can assume so since they continually make these gestures in the guise of accomplishing something.  

Now, I understand that in some unidentified manner, impeaching the Secretary of Homeland Security and sending national guard members to Texas are somehow suppose to be to my benefit - - but for the life of me, I can't tell you what it is.  So I am asking for clarification.  M. Miller-Meeks is my representative in Congress and I am asking her personally to address this issue.  Hopefully, she'll have staff members scouring the pages of local newspapers for signs of disaffection and address whatever issues seem to be of concern. 

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Poop Snitchers

 POOP SNITCHERS

Well, we don't like snitchers - - unless they are snitching drug dealers of course.  But poop snitchers, now, is serious business and we don't much care for it.  Our legislature, known for its robust support of our farmers (which includes livestock for those not in the know) are concerned about anonymous snitchers in particular.  If you are going to call the DNR and complain that you can't sit on your porch on a summer evening because of the smells of pig or cow poop, your name should be broadcast publicly for righteous recrimination from those causing the complaints.

It's only fair.  The article from the Capital City Dispatch discussing the matter indicates that the "vast majority" of those anonymous complaints lead to some type of corrective action.  I can think of no better reason in discouraging such complaints.  With fewer complaints there will be fewer corrective actions which is the obvious goal of livestock producers and hence the legislature.  We want fewer corrective actions by the DNR, not more.  And if your neighbor now hates you for being a snitch; well that's just the price you're going to have to pay for being a snitch.

It might actually be something that requires a little more thought however - - unfortunately a quality not often found in our legislature.  It's been several years now that non-farm rural homes exceed farm homes.  These are people who spend a great deal of money building homes and outbuildings and sometimes ponds to enjoy a rural setting and to get away from the hubbub of the city only to be assaulted by the aroma of poop - - sometimes to an extent that makes their property non-saleable which really makes them mad and understandably so.

So, before we get  over raught about poop snitchers, let's count the votes. I can drive from Mingo, through Ira, then through Baxter, and over to Newton and I will see  maybe one hog confinement and a few cows but a considerable number of houses with garages, and vehicles in the driveways, and a few outbuildings sans livestock.  These are the people who don't really care for the smell of poop in the morning with their coffee. It is clear from just a drive that rural residents without cows or pigs or chickens or turkeys for that matter, far number those with them.

So, a cautionary note is in order.  If you are an elected official you may want to reconsider any outrage you have against poop snitchers and count the votes.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

A Singing Mandate

 A SINGING MANDATE

House File 587 has been introduced in the Iowa legislature  mandating singing in school.  I look on this with particular horror, in that long ago, as I reached adulthood, I vowed I would never do two things ever again.  I have kept that vow.  The two things are going on rides, such as Adventureland or the state fair, and singing.  I don't sing and the idea of being required to sing everyday before class gives me the chills.

But I am willing to look at this proposal rationally.  The idea, apparently, is to increase patriotism in our children.  All good and well, but it would seem to me that what we first need to do is to quantify the amount of patriotism in our student body as it currently exists.  I don't think it fair that an assumption be made that our students lack patriotism or that they should be required to have more patriotism than they already have.  Before we jump the gun and mandate more patriotism I believe we should quantify the amount of existing patriotism and once this is accomplished to set an amount of patriotism needed to fulfill the requirements set out by the legislature.

The question is how to measure the quantity and quality of patriotism currently existing in our student bodies.  And do we assume that the quantity or quality of patriotism currently existing is the same for every community.   I would think not.  For instance, if the level of patriotism at a particular school is very high, they may not need be made to sing the national anthem every day, but maybe every other day or once a week.

It's an issue of measurement.  How do we measure the level of patriotism existing in a given environment?  We could measure degrees of patriotism; or maybe the percentages of patriotism.  Or, we could determine levels of patriotism or the categories of patriotism.  There seems to be various ways that  patriotism could be measured and analyzed.  Maybe an algorithm could be developed for purposes of measurement.  

Of course, any measurement would necessarily entail some sort of questionnaire to be distributed to the student body for purposes of obtaining the data necessary for measurement and then for remedial efforts.  Actually, it all seems pretty complicated.  Maybe we should give this idea some thought before rushing to pass legislation requiring a whole lot of singing.  I certainly don't want to force singing on anyone who doesn't like to sing - patriotic or not.  I for one would not be inclined to acquire more patriotism if I had to sing for it.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

The Boogeyman

 THE BOOGEYMAN

Once again it is time to turn our attention to the new legislative session that will begin in January.  I'm sure that our representatives and senators are simply aching to get back to Des  Moines to do the public's business.  Nothing like the attention and money and publicity for those so engaged - - a thrill a minute.

I know - - the Boogeyman!  It's time to turn our attention to the perennial problem, the Boogeyman.  It simply must be addressed before our current crop of legislators either leave office or are defeated at the polls.  The Boogeyman is responsible for most of the mischief currently creating distress and disgruntlement.  Whatever complaints you as a citizen may have, you can be sure that the Boogeyman is responsible.

Therefore, I suggest that we get our little gnomes at the statehouse to work on legislation banning any books, magazines, newspapers, pamphlets, or other writings, viral or actual, discussing or in any way mentioning Boogeymen.  This is not something that our young minds should be introduced to until after graduation from K-12 when presumably they will be able to cope having been properly isolated from all contact with Boogeymen until their minds have reached some form of adulthood and they are deemed able to handle the stress of confrontation.

There are just certain things that young minds should not be exposed to.  We have a long list of such things such as gay people, transgender people, furries, people whose ancestors did not come from Germany or Holland, to name just a few, which should not, and I repeat should not, be addressed at all; and Boogeymen must be added to this list.   

Let's just remember that we have standards that need to be maintained which need to be reflected in that paragon of school activities - - the homecoming pageant.  Can you just imagine a Boogeyman being  the homecoming king?  Not going to happen folks.  Not on our watch.  

Our elected representatives need to plan to meet this issue now.  Things are moving fast and quick and strong remedial steps are needed while such a thing is still incipient.  I can think of nothing more disgusting than our homecoming pageants being besmirched with such unorthodoxy.  Get on your computers and smartphones now and contact your elected representatives about this issue.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Tracking Criminals

 TRACKING CRIMINALS

The new license plate readers are going to allow the Newton Police Department to track criminals.  Apparently they are to be placed at the main entrances/exits to the City of Newton.  The express purpose is to track criminals coming and going from the city.  

Apparently we want to know when they come into town and when they leave; or as was stated: catching "fleeing criminals".  The quote, worth noting, is "We're trying to hit the gateways to the community.  We're trying to, first off, keep the bad guys out.  And if they do come in, we're going to know they're here.  Apparently there will be a gate at the entrance to town which automatically lowers if the license plate reader identifies a criminal.

Of course, the assumption is that the bad guys will have some sort of banner or sign or insignia of some sort identifying themselves as bad guys.  "Hello, Newton!  I'm a bad guy here to do dastardly things to your town and citizens."  Don't even bother pulling in off the interstate, we are ready for you.  

But not so fast, maybe the cameras can help with local criminals as well.  Of course the problem with all this is, who are the criminals?  The answer of course, is all of us.  We are all criminals - - the State of Iowa has made it possible to make us all criminals subject to stop, search, and arrest.  If you exceed the speed limit, if you don't come to a complete stop and hold it for five seconds, if you don't put on your seat belt, if you don't signal to turn, if you cross the center line - - you are a criminal and the new cameras will find you.  

So when our police chief tells us the cameras are going to make us safer, it simply will make it easier to keep track of us all.  It's called surveillance; the police will be able to see who is moving around day and night.  "Hey Joe, why were you driving down the road at 3:00 a.m.?"  "Up to no good were you?"  "You better watch it, we are on to you."

The whole idea of license plate readers is to keep track of the citizens of Newton and those who visit it.  We read about China's surveillance of its citizens and wonder how they can live that way.  Well, there is very little difference.  The ability to monitor the citizens of this country is in place.  We are told that it will not be used for that purpose.  But there will come a time when it will be used for exactly the reasons they say they will not use it now.  It is inevitable folks.  

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

A Cardiovascular Alert

 A CARDIOVASCULAR ALERT

The shooting in Perry has had an ominous effect on the health of our elected officials and one can only hope that our local hospitals are adequately equipped to help with this.  We have what appears to be an epidemic of heart related problems, and as I stated,  primarily with our elected officials.

If the Des Moines Register is accurate in its quotes we have a situation of almost epidemic proportions.  Both Senators, Grassley and Ernst, are suffering from "heartbreaking", Randy Feenstra is not suffering "heartbreaking" but is "heartbroken".  Senator Ernst reluctantly admits that "heartbreaking" is in fact "sickening".  Our Attorney General is also admitting that her "heart aches" which is a sure sign of pending cardiovascular issues.

This malady does not appear to be limited to Iowa politicians.  Niki Haley admits "my heart aches".  We have also the Ramaswamy who is  apparently so far avoiding cardiovascular issues with his pronouncement that what we have here are "psychological issues".

Representative Zach Nunn is beyond angry and David Funk, the head of some gun group, simply suggests that teachers wear guns while in school.  Can't you just see it now, a shootout in the gym - - bullets flying everywhere, windows broken, holes in the gym floor. Better than dodgeball for sure.  Pretty exciting actually.  

The one interview, the one quoted fact, the one thing of all this reporting that has any relevance to anything is the conversation with a fellow student who said the shooter had been bullied "relentlessly" since elementary school and now his younger sister was being bullied and no one had done anything about it.  We have all been students, we have participated in one way or the other in school bullying whether perpetrator, recipient, or observer.  It happens and it is very difficult for the administrators, teachers, or staff to know its extent.

It will not solve anything to fly our flag at half mast; it will not solve anything to send prayers to those involved.  When you live most of your day in an institutional setting whether school, factory, office or prison, you will have those who shouldn't be there, those who make it unpleasant for others.  Those who knew the shooter; those who sat with him in class or were with him in PE or stood with him in line in the cafeteria; they know why he did it and they understand it.  This doesn't mean that they approve or that they themselves would do it; but they know.  

We've all seen the clips where the tae kwondo kid who looks like a nerd beats up the school bullies.  Doesn't happen folks.  The world continues to be an unpleasant place for many.  We are lucky in this country that we at least make some effort to alleviate unpleasantness.  We often don't succeed and when we don't bad things can happen.  It really is unfortunate.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo