I'm for Bigotry!

 I'M FOR BIGOTRY!

You have to give it to our legislature and governor when it comes to bigotry.  They have what it takes.  This past legislative session put us on the map along with Mississippi and others where we say we don't want you if you're not like us.  This, of course, is a normal and, what I deem, appropriate response to the acceptance of LGBTQ in any form whatsoever.  Bigotry has a bad name you know, and unnecessarily so I might add.

And we might as well admit it to the world.  Our legislature and governor fully support bigotry, they just don't call it that.  Interesting how the lack of one word "bigotry" can make things seem normal as ever.  Bigots don't like to be called bigots or their behavior  bigotry - - it's not currently acceptable generally.  Therefore, we don't use the word.  It works wonderfully well in our truly illiterate culture.  If you call bigotry something else, like upholding family values or religious belief, all is well.  

All I'm saying is that we really ought to call a spade a spade and be done with it.  If you want to be a bigot, just say it and admit that you are a bigot.  If you are afraid to admit that you are a bigot, then you are admitting that you are pretty spineless - - a weak person who can be molded at will.  Just wait for ChatGTP, Bard, and others to kick in - - they will give you the amazing ability to actually pretend you know what you are talking about when you pontificate.

In their defense, and that is what this piece is about, most bigotry is called "hate speech" which is a derogatory term used to denote bigots.  I ask you, if you dislike bigots so much, how can you use such a bigoted term as "hate speech" to define them?  Seems a little inconsistent to me to be bigoted against bigots which the use of that term sure seems to denote.  It would appear that everyone might just be a bigot in one fashion or another.  Now I could be wrong, and am willing to listen to any contrary views.

Regardless whether we are all bigots in one way or another, our legislature and governor meet the criteria right off.  They are bigots purely and simply and pretty much admit it publicly and proudly.  They rejoice in being described as "bigots" for they are of the view that that is what gets them elected; and they are correct in their assessment.   We have a preponderance of bigots - - a majority of our citizens are apparently bigots.  Now you will want to say that I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm un-Iowan or some such thing.  The only response possible to such claims is to advise those making them to just admit to it and go about your business of being a bigot unashamedly.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Candy Corn

 CANDY CORN

You can just sense that our legislature is sniffing around trying to find something else to ban.  They are in a banning mood.  It makes them feel so much better if they can ban something.  You know, if they ban something, they then can make a new crime which is always at the top of their to-do-list.

I propose we ban candy corn.  Clearly candy corn is not good for you - - any dentist will tell you that as well as all mothers of young children who love candy corn.  There is a consensus that candy corn is unhealthy, causes cavities and obesity and hence should be illegal.  

Our local industries will not be affected by this ban.  The amount of corn based fructose used to make candy corn is small and will not affect the bottom line of our farmers who produce it.  The amount of candy corn sold by various businesses is quite insignificant in relation to the total amount of candy sold.  This would allow the legislature to slide in this piece of legislation quietly without much response from the major distributors of candy corn such as Walmart, Target, Walgreens, CVS, etc.

All in all, it could be quite a legislative coup.  The question would be what level of crime should possession of candy corn call for; should there be a significantly higher level of crime for a person distributing candy corn; should there be higher levels of punishment based on the quantity of candy corn in one's possession?  All these are legitimate questions and deserve the attention of the legislature.

In addition, it will give the highway patrol, sheriff departments, and local police forces another reason to stop cars, trucks, and other instruments of transportation when arriving in Iowa from another State.  We now have marijuana as the major instrument of interdiction, but I bet we can train our police dogs and law enforcement personnel to recognized the smell of candy corn; it does have a distinct odor when eating some; and as with marijuana, the people coming from where it is legal will be merrily chomping on pieces of candy corn as they pass the border into Iowa totally unaware that they can be arrested for possessing candy corn, taken to jail, required to post bond, having their cars towed where you have to pay again to have them released. If nothing else, it would  increase the State's income through fines, court costs, probation fees, and let's not forget, give employment to criminal defense attorneys which is always a good thing.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo