Here Comes Fido

 HERE COMES FIDO

I've come to the conclusion that our law enforcement agencies should expand their collection of specialized mutts.  They have an important function in our modern world, they being the mutts.  Dog lovers of all kinds should be particularly pleased with the notion. One can catch the national dog show on PBS occasionally and I have never seen a category for police dogs.  This is an outrage.  Someone needs to contact the American Kennel Club (AKC) about this.

The Newton Police Department has what we now call a "canine officer" - - a cop with a dog.  This officer drives around town with his canine and upon request will go to the assistance of another officer who has pulled over a motorist for some traffic violation, remove the canine from the patrol car and prance it around the vehicle which has been stopped for the traffic violation, you know like not having a current registration or going 30 in a 25.

The purpose of this, of course, are "drugs".  We are looking for drugs - - illegal drugs.  Now since we know that about a third of the population uses marijuana and another third use methamphetamine, traffic stops become not just another ticket writing affair, but a whole lot of fun for most of the department that happens to be on duty at that given time.

Our Supreme Court, following most other courts, has declared that a "dog sniff" is not a search so you don't have to have any specific reason to call the dog guy to have a "dog sniff".  All very handy.  So even though the dog is in fact searching for a smell of illicit drugs, it is not a search.  Interesting isn't it.  A search is not a search because the court says it's not a search.  

So simply for the edification of the public, which is becoming more and more necessary it seems, if you get stopped by law enforcement you are subject to a "dog sniff".  The problem is, we don't have as many dogs as we need.  Every traffic stop should include a "dog sniff".  And if fido should sniff something illegal (rental cars are a good bet), out you come while the police rummage through your vehicle; they might even decide to handcuff you while the search is happening.  If  fido "hits" on your car, it's now officially a legal reason for a search - - a real search where complete strangers are rummaging around inside your car looking for something to allow them to take you to jail and impound your vehicle.  It's fun for everybody.

And so in conclusion, I vote for more drug dogs for the City of Newton.  Any concerned citizen with his or her animus against everything illegal should contact their city representative for increasing the budget for "canine units".  Every time we see an officer pulling over a vehicle for some traffic violation, we should see fido prancing around,  sniffing out illegal drugs.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Modern Ed

 MODERN ED

I think a conversation of modern ed would be appropriate as the second semester begins for all our little darlings. Having a child recently graduated from our local educational system and being reasonably well informed, it seems I have the opportunity to engage in that conversation.

First, we need to continue the efforts to criminalize our teachers and librarians in our public schools.  We don't want them inculcating notions in our children's minds not consistent with the antiquated idea that the world is the same as it was 50 years ago and the same prejudices and discriminatory practices prevalent in our schools 50 years ago shouldn't be the same now. 

Second, there is a movement spreading anew throughout the country that parents be able to decide their children should not be immunized against childhood diseases.  Such diseases include measles, chicken pox, polio, small pox, diphtheria, tetanus, etc.  If your kid gets one of these diseases, so be it - - he or she will survive and be better for it.  And if the other kids in the school get one of these diseases because your kid gave it to them, too bad - tough luck.  Parental freedom should prevail; the parents should decide whether their children are protected from disease.

Third, the continued belief that the earth is ten thousand years old should be maintained with the current biblical exegesis.  I understand this causes some trepidation with our local biology staff, but once again they will have to man up and give their students the alternate explanation of why they are on the planet and in a public school in Iowa.  Just because our DNA can be traced back to show that somehow, somewhere, humans and neanderthals decided to share their genes can just be ignored.  Our children don't need to know they may have some neanderthal DNA; it could cause a depressive episode.

Four, to be more specific as to One, we need to continue to ignore that there are some people, which includes children, who do not so much enjoy the people of the opposite sex, as those of their own sex, or somehow both sexes, or  somehow do not identify as sexual beings.  These things are not necessary to know or to understand and therefore should not be the subject of discussion in our schools.  If your child is one of these "special" circumstances; well, I just don't know what to tell you.  Maybe some therapy would help.

Five, the mantra that winning is everything, to quote Vince Lombardi, should be maintained in all sporting activities whether football, basketball, volleyball, baseball, softball, track, wrestling, bowling, trap shooting, badminton, cross country, golf, tennis, hockey, lacrosse, soccer, skiing, snowboarding, swimming, diving, weightlifting, water polo, gymnastics, field hockey, dance team, cheerleading, and the myriad activities developed for P. E.  Maybe they will bring in cornhole and pickleball with once again "winning" the sole criteria of success.  As you know, school sports develop character and teamwork. For many, sports in high school are the apex of one's life achievements and I certainly think this should not be taken away from them.  They will always remember with pride the last second basket that won the game of the season or bowling that strike in the last frame.  They won't have read a book since commencement, but basking in the adulation received from their high school athletic prowess will remain with them to the grave.

So, let's get with it folks.  Get involved.  Be heard.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo