Lawn Care

 LAWN CARE

One of the more insidious and nonsensical practices we have as modern Americans is the lawn.  A lawn is defined as an area covered solely by grass that is mowed regularly, seeded when necessary, deweeded,  and fertilized endlessly.  It is the modern suburban dream yard which accompanies the modern suburban dream home.  Unfortunately, the modern suburban yardscape of mowed grass is not limited to suburbia but accompanies all buildings everywhere - -  rural or urban, village or city, home or business.    

The manufactured yard, and they are of manufacture origin, is the worst possible environment for any living creature.  If one were to have some vegetation other than grass, except for an occasional tree, in one's yard the whole neighborhood would be up in arms that you are decreasing the value of their dream homes; the city would come by with a notice to abate; and the demise of non-grass flora would be instantaneously demanded.

The modern American yard is the most visible symbol of our current imbecility.  There is nothing to recommend a grassy expanse in front of, behind, or beside your house. I suppose, in one's wildest imagination, one can state that a grass yard makes it more difficult for an unwanted person to sneak up on you unawares.  Other than this, it is difficult to imagine many purposes for a yard.  One can have outdoor activities in a yard such as badminton or croquet granted; but in those instances a grassy patch actually has a purpose.  Otherwise there are parks with grass and golf courses both of which could be visited when a grass craving has occurred. 

Simply having a grassy area between your house and the street has no function whatsoever other than to cause the homeowner, or renter as the case may be,  work and expense.  It takes time and effort to properly maintain an acceptable grassy area and it requires the expense of a lawnmower, presumably a riding and zero-turn mower which not only costs a great deal of money to purchase but requires regular maintenance.  This all seems to be rather superfluous and unneeded.

If one lives in a "nice" neighborhood with well-tended yards, one only sees a person in those yards for the purpose of maintaining them.  The person you might see in a yard will be mowing the yard, weeding the yard, fertilizing the yard, or edging the sidewalk (another currently useless appendage to the property).  One doesn't sit or lay in the yard for fear of chiggers or some other organism that will cause discomfort.  One simply visits the yard to maintain it.  So the question becomes, what it really always has been, why have a yard?

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

The Green Hornet

 THE GREEN HORNET

Since announcing the arrival of Batman and Robin, the crime fighting duo par excellence, to Mingo, it is only appropriate that we follow that announcement up with the news that an invitation has been made to The Green Hornet and Kato to join them in their endless efforts to save us from evildoers.

The City is in advanced negotiations with the team as this is written.  We have assured this crime fighting duo that there is space to locate The Black Beauty next to the Batmobile in a safe and isolated, non-public, non-identifiable space with sufficient cover from an ever growing number of curiosity seekers.

There will need to be some negotiations between the two crime fighting duos with regard to geographical areas of interest.  It would not do to have them both cruising the same streets at night looking for crime.  It would seem a better policy that they divide their areas of patrol; although there may be times when Batman and Robin could use the superpowers of the Green Hornet and Kato.  A few superpowers as backup can always come in handy when dealing with a particular rowdy group.

There will need be some housing arrangements made, but once again, this announcement is not for the purpose of gawkers or curiosity seekers flooding the area to get a sight of either of our soon-to-be, in resident, crime fighters. It is enough to know that Jasper County will be even safer than it already is.  Mingo will have to amend its 28E agreement with the county though.  It would seem to me that maybe the county should now be paying Mingo for protection rather than the other way round.    

One possible solution would be for the local law enforcement to patrol in the daylight hours and our superheroes to patrol at night. Since our resident crime fighters will not limit their activities to just MIngo, but to other parts of Jasper County, as well as Polk County, I might add, it would seem appropriate that we consider our new residents as income producers by their mere presence; or, at least, the cost should be a wash for daylight assistance from the Sheriff and superhero assistance in Jasper County in the dark.  Seems fair to me.  But regardless, it should be a win-win for all.

Richard E H Phelps II

MIngo 

Book Vigilantes

 BOOK VIGILANTES

We have an incidence of book vigilantes in a neighboring community - - Pella.  For those not familiar, Pella is in Iowa southeast of Des Moines inhabited mostly by descendents of Dutch immigrants.  These were protestant immigrants who found themselves at odds with Catholic members of Dutch society and decided to immigrate in the name of religious freedom which so many religious sects did. 

A new group has formed and become active in Pella and surrounding environs who I shall name "The Book Vigilantes".  The members of this group are mobilizing to ensure that certain books are not contained on the shelves of local libraries.  Unfortunately, the members of this new sect, for I will call it a sect, are not easily distinguishable from the remainder of the population.  This needs to be remedied.

My suggestion is that members of "The Book Vigilantes" don masks or some other recognizable symbol to set themselves apart from the general public.  Possibly masks like the Lone Ranger's mask, a rather inconsequential mask not too overpowering.  Hoods such as the Klan might be a little too much although some of their rhetoric would seem to indicate that a hood might actually be more appropriate.

The idea is, of course, to set these "Vigilantes" apart so that I, for instance, will know one when I see one.  I think this is important.  I certainly don't want to engage in a conversation with some stranger to find out in the middle of it that he or she belongs to "The Book Vigilantes".  It's quite important that I give no indication that reading books is an enjoyable and interesting method of passing some hours; or for that matter, that I have ever read one.

It simply would not be tolerable to attempt to explain the necessity of reading to people who don't do it.  It is something they can't possibly grasp and if they don't read, which most assuredly the "The Book Vigilantes" don't, it wouldn't be worth the effort to explain its benefits.  It's not like they would be willing to sit down with King Lear and spend a couple of hours with the King and his troubles.  Simply not worth the effort.

This, of course leads to the conclusion that "The Book Vigilantes" simply need to go home and mind their own business and don't worry if one of their kids should pick up an objectionable book.  The kid won't read it anyway.  And if my kid wants to read one of the "Banned" books, I would say go for it and once you read it we will discuss it. 

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo