Candy Corn

 CANDY CORN

You can just sense that our legislature is sniffing around trying to find something else to ban.  They are in a banning mood.  It makes them feel so much better if they can ban something.  You know, if they ban something, they then can make a new crime which is always at the top of their to-do-list.

I propose we ban candy corn.  Clearly candy corn is not good for you - - any dentist will tell you that as well as all mothers of young children who love candy corn.  There is a consensus that candy corn is unhealthy, causes cavities and obesity and hence should be illegal.  

Our local industries will not be affected by this ban.  The amount of corn based fructose used to make candy corn is small and will not affect the bottom line of our farmers who produce it.  The amount of candy corn sold by various businesses is quite insignificant in relation to the total amount of candy sold.  This would allow the legislature to slide in this piece of legislation quietly without much response from the major distributors of candy corn such as Walmart, Target, Walgreens, CVS, etc.

All in all, it could be quite a legislative coup.  The question would be what level of crime should possession of candy corn call for; should there be a significantly higher level of crime for a person distributing candy corn; should there be higher levels of punishment based on the quantity of candy corn in one's possession?  All these are legitimate questions and deserve the attention of the legislature.

In addition, it will give the highway patrol, sheriff departments, and local police forces another reason to stop cars, trucks, and other instruments of transportation when arriving in Iowa from another State.  We now have marijuana as the major instrument of interdiction, but I bet we can train our police dogs and law enforcement personnel to recognized the smell of candy corn; it does have a distinct odor when eating some; and as with marijuana, the people coming from where it is legal will be merrily chomping on pieces of candy corn as they pass the border into Iowa totally unaware that they can be arrested for possessing candy corn, taken to jail, required to post bond, having their cars towed where you have to pay again to have them released. If nothing else, it would  increase the State's income through fines, court costs, probation fees, and let's not forget, give employment to criminal defense attorneys which is always a good thing.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo