Presidential Toys

PRESIDENTIAL TOYS

We have a president who views things like aircraft carriers and fighter jets as presidential toys - - just toys to play with, for amusement and conversation, and boasting for sure.  Hey look, I've got an aircraft carrier and you don't - - ha ha ha!  And the missiles I have - - hang on and I will just show you - - boom boom!   I can blow up a bunch of stuff and always get more - - I'm the president. 

Today I'm going to blow up a bunch of ships in Hormuz that belong to Iran (I think) and tomorrow I'll have our military intelligence find some other fun targets to immersate (this is word I just heard in a meeting so I think I'll use it even if I'm not sure what it means).  You know, I'm president. and I can do this for a long time.  Just think for how long we have been spending gads of money that we don't have on building ships and planes and tanks and bombs and such.  I have so many toys, I am actually overwhelmed and some days don't even know where to start.

Now, don't think that I'm simply being silly here.  Presidential amusement is necessary to maintain equilibrium in a most tiring and boring job and this is especially so in a person of uncertain mental capacity and maturity.  One does wonder which would be the critical factor here, if not a combination of the two, but this is for another time.  After all, one can only post so much nonsense and graft so much money that after a while other amusements become necessary just to fill the waking hours.

I could pardon some more rich felons and other miscreants who in turn will help me along the road to untold wealth.  You know, I've always wanted to be a billionaire and finally got there by being president.  I could have told you as much.  With as much power as the American president has, thanks to Congress, untold wealth is a given - - just put your mind to it.  

But, I did get beside-the-point.  I started out with toys, presidential toys, and as usual, got sidetracked.  As the president, I found it quite depressing that the servicemen on that aircraft carrier over there somewhere were bitching about how long they had been at sea.  How can a bunch of sailors tell me, the president, how to operate his toys?  We can't have that; it qualifies as a mutiny and those complaining must be punished.  I need a list of names; it's unacceptable to interfere with presidential recreation.

And it is recreational, you know.  I get all kinds of information from military intelligence about what we blow up and bodies everywhere lying about.  It can't be helped - - the bodies I mean.  If they weren't where the bombs land, they wouldn't get blown up.  It's their own fault being at legitimate targets.

So folks, give me a break here.  Everyone needs a little time off and recreational pursuits are necessary to help with the more demanding aspects of the job.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo