Poop Snitchers

 POOP SNITCHERS

Well, we don't like snitchers - - unless they are snitching drug dealers of course.  But poop snitchers, now, is serious business and we don't much care for it.  Our legislature, known for its robust support of our farmers (which includes livestock for those not in the know) are concerned about anonymous snitchers in particular.  If you are going to call the DNR and complain that you can't sit on your porch on a summer evening because of the smells of pig or cow poop, your name should be broadcast publicly for righteous recrimination from those causing the complaints.

It's only fair.  The article from the Capital City Dispatch discussing the matter indicates that the "vast majority" of those anonymous complaints lead to some type of corrective action.  I can think of no better reason in discouraging such complaints.  With fewer complaints there will be fewer corrective actions which is the obvious goal of livestock producers and hence the legislature.  We want fewer corrective actions by the DNR, not more.  And if your neighbor now hates you for being a snitch; well that's just the price you're going to have to pay for being a snitch.

It might actually be something that requires a little more thought however - - unfortunately a quality not often found in our legislature.  It's been several years now that non-farm rural homes exceed farm homes.  These are people who spend a great deal of money building homes and outbuildings and sometimes ponds to enjoy a rural setting and to get away from the hubbub of the city only to be assaulted by the aroma of poop - - sometimes to an extent that makes their property non-saleable which really makes them mad and understandably so.

So, before we get  over raught about poop snitchers, let's count the votes. I can drive from Mingo, through Ira, then through Baxter, and over to Newton and I will see  maybe one hog confinement and a few cows but a considerable number of houses with garages, and vehicles in the driveways, and a few outbuildings sans livestock.  These are the people who don't really care for the smell of poop in the morning with their coffee. It is clear from just a drive that rural residents without cows or pigs or chickens or turkeys for that matter, far number those with them.

So, a cautionary note is in order.  If you are an elected official you may want to reconsider any outrage you have against poop snitchers and count the votes.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

A Singing Mandate

 A SINGING MANDATE

House File 587 has been introduced in the Iowa legislature  mandating singing in school.  I look on this with particular horror, in that long ago, as I reached adulthood, I vowed I would never do two things ever again.  I have kept that vow.  The two things are going on rides, such as Adventureland or the state fair, and singing.  I don't sing and the idea of being required to sing everyday before class gives me the chills.

But I am willing to look at this proposal rationally.  The idea, apparently, is to increase patriotism in our children.  All good and well, but it would seem to me that what we first need to do is to quantify the amount of patriotism in our student body as it currently exists.  I don't think it fair that an assumption be made that our students lack patriotism or that they should be required to have more patriotism than they already have.  Before we jump the gun and mandate more patriotism I believe we should quantify the amount of existing patriotism and once this is accomplished to set an amount of patriotism needed to fulfill the requirements set out by the legislature.

The question is how to measure the quantity and quality of patriotism currently existing in our student bodies.  And do we assume that the quantity or quality of patriotism currently existing is the same for every community.   I would think not.  For instance, if the level of patriotism at a particular school is very high, they may not need be made to sing the national anthem every day, but maybe every other day or once a week.

It's an issue of measurement.  How do we measure the level of patriotism existing in a given environment?  We could measure degrees of patriotism; or maybe the percentages of patriotism.  Or, we could determine levels of patriotism or the categories of patriotism.  There seems to be various ways that  patriotism could be measured and analyzed.  Maybe an algorithm could be developed for purposes of measurement.  

Of course, any measurement would necessarily entail some sort of questionnaire to be distributed to the student body for purposes of obtaining the data necessary for measurement and then for remedial efforts.  Actually, it all seems pretty complicated.  Maybe we should give this idea some thought before rushing to pass legislation requiring a whole lot of singing.  I certainly don't want to force singing on anyone who doesn't like to sing - patriotic or not.  I for one would not be inclined to acquire more patriotism if I had to sing for it.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

The Boogeyman

 THE BOOGEYMAN

Once again it is time to turn our attention to the new legislative session that will begin in January.  I'm sure that our representatives and senators are simply aching to get back to Des  Moines to do the public's business.  Nothing like the attention and money and publicity for those so engaged - - a thrill a minute.

I know - - the Boogeyman!  It's time to turn our attention to the perennial problem, the Boogeyman.  It simply must be addressed before our current crop of legislators either leave office or are defeated at the polls.  The Boogeyman is responsible for most of the mischief currently creating distress and disgruntlement.  Whatever complaints you as a citizen may have, you can be sure that the Boogeyman is responsible.

Therefore, I suggest that we get our little gnomes at the statehouse to work on legislation banning any books, magazines, newspapers, pamphlets, or other writings, viral or actual, discussing or in any way mentioning Boogeymen.  This is not something that our young minds should be introduced to until after graduation from K-12 when presumably they will be able to cope having been properly isolated from all contact with Boogeymen until their minds have reached some form of adulthood and they are deemed able to handle the stress of confrontation.

There are just certain things that young minds should not be exposed to.  We have a long list of such things such as gay people, transgender people, furries, people whose ancestors did not come from Germany or Holland, to name just a few, which should not, and I repeat should not, be addressed at all; and Boogeymen must be added to this list.   

Let's just remember that we have standards that need to be maintained which need to be reflected in that paragon of school activities - - the homecoming pageant.  Can you just imagine a Boogeyman being  the homecoming king?  Not going to happen folks.  Not on our watch.  

Our elected representatives need to plan to meet this issue now.  Things are moving fast and quick and strong remedial steps are needed while such a thing is still incipient.  I can think of nothing more disgusting than our homecoming pageants being besmirched with such unorthodoxy.  Get on your computers and smartphones now and contact your elected representatives about this issue.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

Tracking Criminals

 TRACKING CRIMINALS

The new license plate readers are going to allow the Newton Police Department to track criminals.  Apparently they are to be placed at the main entrances/exits to the City of Newton.  The express purpose is to track criminals coming and going from the city.  

Apparently we want to know when they come into town and when they leave; or as was stated: catching "fleeing criminals".  The quote, worth noting, is "We're trying to hit the gateways to the community.  We're trying to, first off, keep the bad guys out.  And if they do come in, we're going to know they're here.  Apparently there will be a gate at the entrance to town which automatically lowers if the license plate reader identifies a criminal.

Of course, the assumption is that the bad guys will have some sort of banner or sign or insignia of some sort identifying themselves as bad guys.  "Hello, Newton!  I'm a bad guy here to do dastardly things to your town and citizens."  Don't even bother pulling in off the interstate, we are ready for you.  

But not so fast, maybe the cameras can help with local criminals as well.  Of course the problem with all this is, who are the criminals?  The answer of course, is all of us.  We are all criminals - - the State of Iowa has made it possible to make us all criminals subject to stop, search, and arrest.  If you exceed the speed limit, if you don't come to a complete stop and hold it for five seconds, if you don't put on your seat belt, if you don't signal to turn, if you cross the center line - - you are a criminal and the new cameras will find you.  

So when our police chief tells us the cameras are going to make us safer, it simply will make it easier to keep track of us all.  It's called surveillance; the police will be able to see who is moving around day and night.  "Hey Joe, why were you driving down the road at 3:00 a.m.?"  "Up to no good were you?"  "You better watch it, we are on to you."

The whole idea of license plate readers is to keep track of the citizens of Newton and those who visit it.  We read about China's surveillance of its citizens and wonder how they can live that way.  Well, there is very little difference.  The ability to monitor the citizens of this country is in place.  We are told that it will not be used for that purpose.  But there will come a time when it will be used for exactly the reasons they say they will not use it now.  It is inevitable folks.  

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

A Cardiovascular Alert

 A CARDIOVASCULAR ALERT

The shooting in Perry has had an ominous effect on the health of our elected officials and one can only hope that our local hospitals are adequately equipped to help with this.  We have what appears to be an epidemic of heart related problems, and as I stated,  primarily with our elected officials.

If the Des Moines Register is accurate in its quotes we have a situation of almost epidemic proportions.  Both Senators, Grassley and Ernst, are suffering from "heartbreaking", Randy Feenstra is not suffering "heartbreaking" but is "heartbroken".  Senator Ernst reluctantly admits that "heartbreaking" is in fact "sickening".  Our Attorney General is also admitting that her "heart aches" which is a sure sign of pending cardiovascular issues.

This malady does not appear to be limited to Iowa politicians.  Niki Haley admits "my heart aches".  We have also the Ramaswamy who is  apparently so far avoiding cardiovascular issues with his pronouncement that what we have here are "psychological issues".

Representative Zach Nunn is beyond angry and David Funk, the head of some gun group, simply suggests that teachers wear guns while in school.  Can't you just see it now, a shootout in the gym - - bullets flying everywhere, windows broken, holes in the gym floor. Better than dodgeball for sure.  Pretty exciting actually.  

The one interview, the one quoted fact, the one thing of all this reporting that has any relevance to anything is the conversation with a fellow student who said the shooter had been bullied "relentlessly" since elementary school and now his younger sister was being bullied and no one had done anything about it.  We have all been students, we have participated in one way or the other in school bullying whether perpetrator, recipient, or observer.  It happens and it is very difficult for the administrators, teachers, or staff to know its extent.

It will not solve anything to fly our flag at half mast; it will not solve anything to send prayers to those involved.  When you live most of your day in an institutional setting whether school, factory, office or prison, you will have those who shouldn't be there, those who make it unpleasant for others.  Those who knew the shooter; those who sat with him in class or were with him in PE or stood with him in line in the cafeteria; they know why he did it and they understand it.  This doesn't mean that they approve or that they themselves would do it; but they know.  

We've all seen the clips where the tae kwondo kid who looks like a nerd beats up the school bullies.  Doesn't happen folks.  The world continues to be an unpleasant place for many.  We are lucky in this country that we at least make some effort to alleviate unpleasantness.  We often don't succeed and when we don't bad things can happen.  It really is unfortunate.

Richard E H Phelps II

Mingo

It's Un-identified

 IT'S UN-IDENTIFIED

One sees reports of unidentified objects (UFOs) on TV, in the papers, and online - - especially online where not only do we see reports, but photos of usually. large, round objects which, in the popular imagination, are what alien spaceships are suppose to look like.  These reports of extra-terrestrial activities sometimes include abductions with rather clinical examinations including sexual pairing which apparently is often included in the alien's examination.

We also have the phenomenon of corn mazes, geoglyphs and other unexplained evidence of extra-terrestials  for which we have no explanation.  Much speculation exists as to the source of all these wonders with many holding the belief that they are created by alien space travelers; possibly alien tourists out for a Sunday afternoon drive-about.  

Let me say this about that though:  If an alien life form had the technology and the determination to come to earth from some other solar system, they would not be landing in a corn field - - and we would not have to conjecture and speculate.  Not necessary.

The other phenomenon concerns the allegations of celestial intercourse.  The female sex has been blaming incubuses for unwanted and clandestine sexual encounters for centuries.  Nothing new here.  Instead of an incubi it is now an extra-terrestrial.  Same thing really.  Nothing they could really do about it.  After all, if some alien space ship can transport you up to the extra-terrestrial apparatus and the life forms inhabiting it perform coitus on your unresisting body, there is not much you can do about it after all other than hope that they transport you back to earth so you can relate your experience to an awe stricken public - - and hopefully not give birth to some creature.

But back to the cornfield.  Can't you just hear the conversation. Cindy says to Joe:  "Joe why are you landing in a corn field?  You mean we just traveled ten light years for our annual holiday to land in a cornfield?  What the hell? I want Vegas.  Get this thing turned around - - I want some excitement after a millennium in this spacecraft with nothing to look at but you."

Now that's more like it.

Richard E H Phelps

Mingo